Rick's Personal Blog
2002-07-24 - 1:16 p.m.
Cheryl called me today, and told me that No.1’s doctor has found a mass in his left testicle. She thinks it may be a hernia. He says it’s been there as long as he can remember. Anytime a doctor tells me they have found a “mass” anywhere, I get scared; especially since it is my child. So needless to say, I’m not having too good a day.
We find out Friday what is going on. He’s going to see a pediatric surgeon.
No.2 has one last tournament this weekend. Game 1 is Thursday night. Then on Saturday, No.1 and I are going up to Cleveland to see my mom and brother.
Cheryl and I really aren’t talking too much. We rarely see each other. So, suffice to say, our relationship doesn’t seem to change for better or for worse. The sad thing is being married, and yet being totally alone. It sucks, but this is the life I’ve chosen. When we are together, we seem to get along.
She has been hurt a lot over the 4 years. She carries it with her, and mourns continually. She lost her best friend because of what her son did us. And more recently her last best friend told her flat out she didn’t want to be friends anymore, and even to the point where she doesn’t want our children to even know each other.
She’s devastated. She tries to act tough, and prove that none of this bothers her, but I know that it does. And yet there is nothing I can do to comfort her. If there were, she wouldn’t let me.
So here I stand, with my children the only people she has. She has a chip on her shoulder. She acts as if she always has something to prove to someone. She seems to view everyone as potential pain. She embraces no one, except her children, and even they are getting irritated with her at times.
I want her to be happy, but there is nothing that I can do to make that happen. We each have to make our own happiness. I continue to pray our relationship works out. I have difficulty watching her pain torment as it does, but there is nothing I can do for her if she refuses to get help. All I can do is make sure that me and my kids are happy.
Later,
Rick
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