I started this journal as a means of venting the steam that was building in my marriage. And now, 3.5 years later, I'm still venting. Actually, it's been over 6 years since our troubles started.

Good leadership starts with conviction, and commitment to those convictions. One needs to be optimistic, teachable, diplomatic, and willing to compromise when necessary; but committed nonetheless.

For years I've been hopeful that things would get better, and I've done my part to help.

For years I've been willing to change to make things easier for others.

For years I've been willing to go without for the greater good of the family.

For years I've been committed to keeping my family together.

Earlier this year, I made it clear: it's her turn, and unfortunately she cannot (or will not) reciprocate.

For all of my sacrifice and commitment I was slapped in the face, again Sunday morning. I'm not going into details, but she asked me, "why do you keep pretending that it's not going to happen after they leave?" (speaking about divorce when the kids are of age.)

For he record: I was never pretending; I believed it wouldn't.

I've been very conflicted over this whole ordeal. I've been terrified of having my children live through what I vowed would never happen to them.

It's  time.

I can't deal with this anymore.

I don't see anything salvageable if she continues to be unwilling to get the help she so desperately needs.

I don't see her changing; she never has.

It's over.

I want out.

I want a divorce.

Now lets see if I have the courage to go through with it.